We still are in the ‘trial and error’ phase of the online maze. In the last newsletter, QUICK RELATIONSHIP FIX, PART I . . . the hyper-link to review BrainFengShui Video Training and 3 Quick Thought Fix ‘S were dead-links. Now they are hyper! You can also access the previous training Quick Brain Relationship Fix, Part I
In this newsletter, QUICK BRAIN FIX, Part II : Root Belief, Sorting Styles and Gender Views, you will discover how to understand, sort and file old relationship memories to organize your brain clutter.
QUICK BRAIN RELATIONSHIP FIX, PART II:
BREAKTHROUGH RESISTANCE with CURIOUS MINDSET
Difficult relationships can over load your already cluttered brain circuits and thought files like nothing else in life can do. Learning how to sort, separate and organize the debris from the TRUTH sets you freer. Once you know TRUTH you cannot un-know it.
It’s natural to resist who you do not understand or agree. You resist what is strange, odd and different from your view of life. Resistance sinks you deeper. TRUTH is . . . you really cannot change others in an effective and lasting way. The changes are brief and superficial.
All change starts in the Present where you choose to ‘accept what is’. . . because that is all there is. Acceptance cancels resistance. To move from resistance to acceptance can seem like a quantum leap when you are tangled in the web of a difficult relationship. Acceptance does not require you to agree, understand, or let them off the hook. Acceptance makes peace with the TRUTH. TRUTH sets you free INSIDE.
KNOW ALREADY vs CURIOUS MINDSET
The KNOW already mindset is closed, and persists in resistance. You wait, need and expect the other person to change and do it your way. You both sink deeper and dig deeper brain ruts. Resistance limits options, acceptance enhances options. It’s either or, resistance and acceptance do not co-exist.
The CURIOUS mindset is open. Be open to ask and listen for the TRUTH about what is the same and what is different. A curious mindset bridges resistance to acceptance. CURIOUS jumpstarts change INSIDE you, moving OUTSIDE to relationships.
It would be fun and easy if you could just ‘get it done’ by checking off the items in this more traditional checklist for conflict resolution:
- Listen and Speak: Equal sharing ( Use “I” messages, not “you” messages)
- Brainstorm Options: There are always options (Seek counsel, research, ? )
- Pick an Option: Keep trying until you get one that works.
- Agree to Disagree: Call ‘uncle’ or ‘monkey’. Quit.
- Walk Away: Distance yourself if all else fails.
Conscious level conflict resolution is far easier when you have a greater understanding of the root cause drivers INSIDE.
ROOT BELIEFS are Universal – SAME
When you are stuck with racing thoughts and negative feelings it helps to know if you are carrying files that are pending from old relationships. You can begin to organize relationship thoughts and feelings on a conscious level when you discover how you are the same and different. No matter how you think and feel you are different, you share a universal root cause belief. It drives your choices, thoughts and feelings.
” You, I, God, & time, support, peace, joy, health is not enough. I am deprived.“
This belief sets you up. Suckers (controlers) and suckees (victims to control) are powerless, waiting and needing OUTSIDE for people, places and things to make life enough. ‘Fear deprived’ elicits unmet expectations. You write check after check on their bank that is empty.
SORTING STYLES – DIFFERENT
The belief of deprivation is the same for everyone. From this belief, people sort through and view life with different filters. It’s a great way for your brain to sift through massive stack of files to sort and organize what is important.
Sorting styles are limited filters people see through to interpret the world. Sorting styles are how your brain sifts through debris to find what matters to you. Everybody sees and sorts their way through life differently. Identifying their sorting style as well as your own providesl provides quick access to information to help you understand what makes people tick. Sorting styles reveal a person’s fears, what drives them, how they view life and make decisions.
SORTING STYLES: Limited Filters to View Life Through
_____ 1) People – Ethnic, family, we, you, I
_____ 2) Groups – Religion, politics, school, social media
_____ 3) Status – Rank, position, power
_____ 1) Past – See through rear view mirror
_____ 2) Present – Instant gratification
_____ 3) Future – Striving to keep the plates in the air
_____ 1) Hoarder – Stingy, limited by cost of things
_____ 2) Spendthrift – Shopper, need to buy things (car, house, clothes), overly generous
_____ 1) External – People, places and things validate their worth, approval seekers
_____ 2) Internal – Self centered, self driven, my way or the hi-way
_____ 3) Negative – Gloom and doom, yes, but, whine, blame, deprived, not enough
_____ 4) Positive – Rosy glasses, pie in the sky, over there is greener, unrealistic
_____ 1) Fun – Art, travel, music, eating, sex, if not fun then don’t do it
_____ 2) Risk/adventure – Addict to new and different, cortisol rush required to feel alive
_____ 3) Safe – Dislike change, take few risks, frozen, limited
_____ 1) Move toward – Positive goal and outcome
_____ 2) Move away – Pain
GENDER BRAINS DIFFER
To further confuse and complicate relationships . . . male and female brains are wired differently for the most part.
Men’s brains files are organized into specific brain boxes for each part of life. There is a box for friends, family, sports and work. Then there’s the largest box that is the most difficult for females to understand. It is his NOTHING box. It’s empty. He stares blankly. Sometimes he disguises his absence by appearing to watch TV. This is the space, place that he goes to solve, resolve and contemplate life. Females view that box differently. They view it as ‘wasting time’ or ‘withdrawing from the relationship’, or in need of ‘decorating’. Females tend to try to change that box more than any other for lack of understanding . . . since their brain is very different.
Female brains are like this ball of twisted or enmeshed vines. One topic leads to another and another and another without a clear ending in sight. They need to talk about what’s on their mind instead of ‘withdrawing’. Men often are confused and think that they are asking for help. Far from it. They talk to hear their own answers. Light bulbs come on when they speak their thoughts and feelings out loud.
GENDER COMFORT ZONES – DIFFER
|MEN’s COMFORT ZONE
Need Time Alone
Solve Through Doing
Talk Big Picture Results
Positioning/ Organize/ Team
Connect with Leaders
Invite to ‘Work’ Together
Talk Big $/ Possibilities
|WOMEN’s COMFORT ZONE
Want Story/ Details
Need to Share
Solve Through Feeling Heard
Talk Product Benefits
Mission/ Helping Others
Develop an Emotional Bond
Talk Value/ Success Stories
Now you know . . .
Everyone has the same destructive core belief: Fear deprived, not enough.
Curious mindset is the bridge from resistance to acceptance.
Everyone has different filters or sorting styles that guide and limit their decisions.
Gender brain wiring, views and comfort zones are different.
Join us for the next newsletter, Part III QUICK BRAIN FIX to complete this training series.